Munted's guide to a Long Distance Relationship (LDR)

There are 20 days until I get to be kissed and held by my man and that got me thinking about long distance relationships and how we've been surviving so far. I'm by no means an expert on LDRs having only 2 on my belt, however I believe that that is actually enough to have my two cent on the internet.

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I'm in Portland, Oregon and Aaron is in Christchurch, New Zealand. Google the distance if you will but the numbers mean nothing to me because distance is still distance. Aaron and I have been dating since early 2006 and lived in the same town for 6 months between 2006-now. Yes it is insane. So how is it done?

1) Besides dedication, faithfulness and communication, most people forget the most important thing you must have for a less painful LDR; being on the same page and having a goal. A LDR without goals and a light at the end of the tunnel is doomed and highly frustrating because the negativity of the LDR never seem to end. In my first LDR, I often questioned myself : "What am I doing? Why am I still dating him? It is as if I am single and I'm only attached when I get that sporadic email or phone call" Having a goal and timeline not only save your sanity but both parties are working towards a goal and it is productive. Everyone has their reasons to be in a long distance relationship and when you enter one, you are undoubtedbly going to be struggling with the green jealousy monster, self esteem and borderline insanity.

Our goal is to be in Melbourne at the end of 2010 whereby Aaron would have graduated from Uni and I would have accumulated enough research experience to get up to the next pay level. Meanwhile, every year, we go on a holiday to meet up with each other and explore different countries. Thus we have mini goals and long term goals that keep us more intact. However, having goals does not guarantee us a smooth ride, I often think why don't I just get all my things and move? I'm a very logical person, I think (ha!) and in my mind I am romantic but when it comes to action, I am not so. When something jeopardizes our mini or long term goals, I get very upset and re-analyze the entire relationship, always coming back to only wanting to be with him.

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2) Dedication. When Aaron and I first started going out, we lived 6 hours drive apart. Nearly every other weekend, he would drive down after work on Friday and then drive back early afternoon on Sunday. That is around 12 hours of driving per weekend! That is endearing to me. For me, actions speak louder than words and for Aaron to drive all those hours to see me for a day or so, made me fall hard. I often think of Aaron when I am driving on a road trip. When people tell me that they are doing a LDR and they live 2 hours away, I often fight hard to not roll my eyes. 2 hours LDR will not get my sympathy and it boggles me to no end when those LDR don't even see each other on most weekends.

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3) Phone calls!! Emails, online chats, text messages are all very very nice and quick but alot of things get lost in written communication. Borderline moods are hard to pick up online and in short messages, it is amazing how much we get from vocal senses. A joke intended to be funny can sound like a jab when the receiver is not in a good mood. I didn't used to be a phone person, I'm always wanting to get off the phone double quick. I'm very awkward on the phone but I've learnt to talk to Aaron and it has been very crucial for us. I look forward to our 2+ hour phone talk every weekend and most of the times, we talk about nothing in particular, bullshit (which is what we do when we're together anyways) and how much we miss each other. Text messages are super duper nice because they of the moment and a small quick reminder that you're thought of. I often text Aaron before I go to bed to say I love you and sweet dreams. When I get a text message from Aaron, I often think of what he is doing and where he is.

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4) Trust. This one amazes me. I have never trusted any boyfriends as much as I trust Aaron and despite that, I still have insecurities lurking in the back of my head. It is insane how your mind can turn on you when you're emotionally vulnerable and those made up scenarios can really wreck your trust. Whenever alcohol is involved, your trust crumbles a bit even though it shouldn't but that is just how human nature is. I'd love to meet someone that is in a LDR and say that they never have made up scenarios when they know their partner is drinking because then I can call them a liar. I know I do but it is by no means that I don't want him to go out and have fun, I think if he didn't, it would be abnormal. Trusts is hard to build at times and so very easily broken.

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